The other day I was riding home from Flagstaff and listening to the BYU station on XM radio. I hardly EVER listen to talk radio, that is something that my husband does and it drives me crazy. Anyway, on this particular day I was tuned into the Matt Townsend show and he was talking about "being in the flow." They asked for callers who could share a time in their life when they were at their best and in the flow to call in. Well I have definitely felt out of the flow of late, but I do remember well how it felt when everything was working. So I decided to call in. Guess what? Yep, I got through. I told the guy how I had once lost so much weight and now I was struggling with the fight of it creeping back on. He said that he wanted me to stay on the line, I would be the next caller. How cool, I have never been on radio before, much less something that is heard all over the country. So I waited.
After a few minutes I heard Matt talking to his current caller and starting to wrap it up. It was my turn. So I related my boo hoo story of having lost 110 lbs and having kept it off for 4 years but in the last 6 months since moving to Winslow, I had put 30 lbs back on. (If you have read any of my other blogs, there seems to be a common thread here, doesn't there?) Anyway I related to him how I loved to hike and walk and now there was no place to hike, blah, blah, blah... Much to my dismay he didn't feel that it was any fault of Winslow that I was having problems. What he did suggest was to remember what I felt like when I was in the flow. He said that I should go back and write everything I could think of from when I felt that way. He also said something that I really liked, "keep your arrows pointing out." Spend time giving and doing for others. It will help you move forward. Interesting point (no pun intended). If I help others, it will help me? Excuse the sarcasm, I know that is true. When we lose ourselves in service to others it makes our problems seem small and we are not focusing on ourselves.
Since June 17 I have been going to Weight Watchers. Although I go (almost) every week, my heart has just not been in it. Case in point:
Week 1 Lost 0.9 lbs
Week 2 Gain 1.8 lbs
Week 3 Gain 1.4 lbs
Week 4 Lost 1.2 lbs
Week 5 Lost 1.6 lbs
Week 6 Lost 2.0 lbs
Week 7 Gain 0.8 lbs
Week 8 Gain 4.2 lbs
Whoa... 4.2? How is that even possible to gain that much weight in one week? So my grand total weight loss since June 17 is that I have gained 0.2 lbs. I know each week when I weigh in they must be thinking, "you do understand how this is supposed to work right? You are going the wrong direction."
Okay, where to go from here. I have been trying really, really hard not to be sucked in by this and solve my problems with food. I am trying really hard to remember what it felt like to be in the flow. I am trying really hard to maintain a positive attitude, throw out the past and start right now, today, right this minute. I am trying really hard to "point my arrows out" but I swear I can feel at least one or two of them poking me right now.
I remember in my previous Weight Watchers experience, I had a small gain one week and the lady simply told me, "you know what to do." At the time I thought well that ISN'T very comforting. But you know what I've come to realize? I do know what to do. Am I willing to do it or is it easier to wallow? I am the ONLY person who can make a change for me. It is time to put on my big girl panties and kick it in gear.
New goal. I want to run in the Groom Creek 5k this year. I have run in it 3 times before. I have about a month to train. Even if I can't run the whole thing, I can do it. There, a commitment in writing for all the world to see. To keep me accountable, I will keep you updated on my training. So as the leader at Weight Watchers says each week, "go out there and be a loser!"
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Can You Tell Me How To Do This?
We are given manuals for anything we purchase. Everything from our vacuum cleaner to our can opener telling us all we might ever want or need to know. How many times do we just toss them aside and ignore them because after all, I know how to use a can opener. Hello, I wasn't born yesterday.
However, the most complex, most difficult thing to understand and operate that we ever encounter in our lives, our children come without any instructions. I know you have probably heard this analogy a hundred times. Maybe in all truthfulness, if we understood how hard these precious little babies were going to be to take care of, we would chose to pass on having them.
My kids are older now. We made it through the midnight feedings, the diapers, preschool, first day of leaving them at kindergarten, losing teeth, teenage attitude (at least two of them are through that), learning to drive, sky rocketing auto insurance, first romances, broken hearts. It is amazing to look back on all that we have been through. When I think of my children my heart swells with pride and my eyes fill with tears. How is it possible to love any one person that much?
This is something that we learn by trial and error. And just when you think you have the first one figured out and try to use all your new found knowledge on the second one, you discover that this child is totally different and none of that applies. So we start all over again. How does this one work and why is this child, raised in exactly the same household and circumstances, so different than the first.
We learn from how our parents brought us up. We learn what worked and what didn't work. How many times have you said that you would NEVER do something that your mother did and then all of a sudden there it is, it just slips out. Your mother is talking through you. Wait a minute, that wasn't supposed to happen, after all I am much smarter and more sophisticated than my parents. Well maybe not. My parents were trying just the same as I am. They were human just as I am. They had strong willed children much the same as I do.
What I hope I have learned over the years is that yelling doesn't work. It makes me feel worse than them in the end. I want them to be self assured and confident. I want them to be happy. I want them to be able to go out into this world and take care of themselves. I want them to find someone and have children and have to go through all of this for themselves. I want them to know that while we may encounter bumps from time to time, we will stay on this road to the end.
I am so grateful that God has entrusted into my care these three amazing people. I hope that I have been able to rise to the challenge. My mother used to tell us that she raised us to be able to leave her. If we weren't able to do that, she had failed as a mother. So true but difficult to see them spread their wings and fly without you. That is a happy / sad moment rolled together into one.
However, the most complex, most difficult thing to understand and operate that we ever encounter in our lives, our children come without any instructions. I know you have probably heard this analogy a hundred times. Maybe in all truthfulness, if we understood how hard these precious little babies were going to be to take care of, we would chose to pass on having them.
My kids are older now. We made it through the midnight feedings, the diapers, preschool, first day of leaving them at kindergarten, losing teeth, teenage attitude (at least two of them are through that), learning to drive, sky rocketing auto insurance, first romances, broken hearts. It is amazing to look back on all that we have been through. When I think of my children my heart swells with pride and my eyes fill with tears. How is it possible to love any one person that much?
This is something that we learn by trial and error. And just when you think you have the first one figured out and try to use all your new found knowledge on the second one, you discover that this child is totally different and none of that applies. So we start all over again. How does this one work and why is this child, raised in exactly the same household and circumstances, so different than the first.
We learn from how our parents brought us up. We learn what worked and what didn't work. How many times have you said that you would NEVER do something that your mother did and then all of a sudden there it is, it just slips out. Your mother is talking through you. Wait a minute, that wasn't supposed to happen, after all I am much smarter and more sophisticated than my parents. Well maybe not. My parents were trying just the same as I am. They were human just as I am. They had strong willed children much the same as I do.
What I hope I have learned over the years is that yelling doesn't work. It makes me feel worse than them in the end. I want them to be self assured and confident. I want them to be happy. I want them to be able to go out into this world and take care of themselves. I want them to find someone and have children and have to go through all of this for themselves. I want them to know that while we may encounter bumps from time to time, we will stay on this road to the end.
I am so grateful that God has entrusted into my care these three amazing people. I hope that I have been able to rise to the challenge. My mother used to tell us that she raised us to be able to leave her. If we weren't able to do that, she had failed as a mother. So true but difficult to see them spread their wings and fly without you. That is a happy / sad moment rolled together into one.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
I Am NOT My Weight
I went into Maurice's a while back (quite a while back) with my daughter. Maurice's is a clothing store and my daughters have always liked to shop there. They have both regular sizes and larger sizes now, but way back then, they only had "regular" sizes. Every time I went in there I always felt like the sales associates were looking at me like "what are you doing in here, we don't have your size." Whether or not that is true, I will never know. When you are extremely overweight you feel like everyone is looking at you like that.
I had been on Weight Watchers and had been losing weight so I decided that I would try to see if I could fit into "regular" clothes. I knew I most likely wouldn't fit into them, but at least I could see if I was getting closer. So I found a pair of 15/16 size jeans on the rack and took them back to the dressing room. I put them on. THEY FIT! I couldn't believe it. I could fit into "regular clothes".
I will never forget that day. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I was jumping for joy and felt like dancing all around the dressing room. I treasure that moment with my daughter. It was as Stephen Covey says, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."
Fast forward. I lost 110 pounds total and really felt like a new person. I learned to like exercise and became addicted to hiking. I had always looked at people who had accomplished such things in their life and just knew that there was something special about them. Something that I did not possess or understand, for I certainly could never accomplish something like that.
You want to know what the secret is? There is no secret. Sorry to disappoint you but there really is no secret. Each of us has the power to accomplish amazing things. We just have to look within ourselves and find that strength. It is there just waiting to be called on. Sometimes it will show itself more freely than others. What I have learned is that patience and forgiveness are huge factors in a life changing event. Also learning to like yourself no matter where you are at is crucial. That comes and goes for me. Some days it is easy and others, not so much.
Since my initial weight loss, I have gained back 30 pounds. Most of this has happened since I moved to Winslow. I can blame Winslow for that, right? Wrong. I finally went back to Weight Watchers, realizing that I am someone who needs accountability. I finally started walking and running again. Funny thing about exercise, I don't exercise cause I don't feel good and I don't feel good cause I don't exercise. That could go on and on forever. It all goes back to blooming where you are planted. Prescott is not the only place where I can be healthy and look good. That can happen anywhere I am. It is up to me. After all, I am not my weight.
I had been on Weight Watchers and had been losing weight so I decided that I would try to see if I could fit into "regular" clothes. I knew I most likely wouldn't fit into them, but at least I could see if I was getting closer. So I found a pair of 15/16 size jeans on the rack and took them back to the dressing room. I put them on. THEY FIT! I couldn't believe it. I could fit into "regular clothes".
I will never forget that day. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I was jumping for joy and felt like dancing all around the dressing room. I treasure that moment with my daughter. It was as Stephen Covey says, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."
Fast forward. I lost 110 pounds total and really felt like a new person. I learned to like exercise and became addicted to hiking. I had always looked at people who had accomplished such things in their life and just knew that there was something special about them. Something that I did not possess or understand, for I certainly could never accomplish something like that.
You want to know what the secret is? There is no secret. Sorry to disappoint you but there really is no secret. Each of us has the power to accomplish amazing things. We just have to look within ourselves and find that strength. It is there just waiting to be called on. Sometimes it will show itself more freely than others. What I have learned is that patience and forgiveness are huge factors in a life changing event. Also learning to like yourself no matter where you are at is crucial. That comes and goes for me. Some days it is easy and others, not so much.
Since my initial weight loss, I have gained back 30 pounds. Most of this has happened since I moved to Winslow. I can blame Winslow for that, right? Wrong. I finally went back to Weight Watchers, realizing that I am someone who needs accountability. I finally started walking and running again. Funny thing about exercise, I don't exercise cause I don't feel good and I don't feel good cause I don't exercise. That could go on and on forever. It all goes back to blooming where you are planted. Prescott is not the only place where I can be healthy and look good. That can happen anywhere I am. It is up to me. After all, I am not my weight.
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| At the Four Corners. Bottom picture July, 2006 at 269 pounds. Top picture October, 2008 weighing 110 pounds less. |
Saturday, July 20, 2013
The Strength of Our Roots
I have been wavering back and forth about what to write about next. I shared a picture a few days back on Facebook of my great grandmother Lillie Florence Jones Goff. I feel like I want to talk more about family and genealogy at this time. For those of you who knew my mom, you know that she spent years, decades actually, working on genealogy. I have in my possession the fruits of that labor.
While most of us who are LDS are inclined to do genealogy for the purpose of temple ordinances, my mother had another purpose in mind. She wanted to get to know the members of her family well enough through her research so that when she met them on the other side of the veil she could walk up to them and shake their hand and know about their earthly life.
I want to talk a little bit more about Grandma and Grandpa Goff. While I do not remember Grandpa, I have vague memories of Grandma. I know that they lived in a little house down the dirt road from Grandma Hazel. My mom got the pump organ and upright piano that were Grandma Goff's. I have them now and they will be passed on to my daughters. Of all my earthly possessions, I treasure the ones that have been handed down from generation to generation most.
James Wesley Goff married Lillie Florence Jones on May 27, 1900 in Carthage, Jasper County, Missouri.
Their union brought forth the following children:
This last picture is of Grandpa and Grandma Goff with my mom, Dixie Lee Yeomans Northcott. I love seeing my mom as a happy child. She had a very colorful youth, but that is a post for another day. I am so proud of my roots. The joys, sorrows and enduring lives that brought me to this earth. I am so grateful for my mother's diligent work on documenting as much as she could find. I am excited to finally be able to share some of this information with the rest of my family.
While most of us who are LDS are inclined to do genealogy for the purpose of temple ordinances, my mother had another purpose in mind. She wanted to get to know the members of her family well enough through her research so that when she met them on the other side of the veil she could walk up to them and shake their hand and know about their earthly life.
I want to talk a little bit more about Grandma and Grandpa Goff. While I do not remember Grandpa, I have vague memories of Grandma. I know that they lived in a little house down the dirt road from Grandma Hazel. My mom got the pump organ and upright piano that were Grandma Goff's. I have them now and they will be passed on to my daughters. Of all my earthly possessions, I treasure the ones that have been handed down from generation to generation most.
James Wesley Goff married Lillie Florence Jones on May 27, 1900 in Carthage, Jasper County, Missouri.
Their union brought forth the following children:
- Glenn Wesley DOB 06/19/1901
- Edith Mary DOB 04/24/1904
- Walter Daniel DOB 10/20/1908
- Hazel Marie DOB 08/16/1911
- James Russell DOB 12/20/1915
- Jessie Lester DOB 03/29/1922
This last picture is of Grandpa and Grandma Goff with my mom, Dixie Lee Yeomans Northcott. I love seeing my mom as a happy child. She had a very colorful youth, but that is a post for another day. I am so proud of my roots. The joys, sorrows and enduring lives that brought me to this earth. I am so grateful for my mother's diligent work on documenting as much as she could find. I am excited to finally be able to share some of this information with the rest of my family.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Blooming in Winslow
“The gospel light has the power and purpose to bring blessings into your life and into the lives of those waiting in your path,” Elder Uchtdorf said. “You are here to facilitate those blessings. I urge you to bloom where you are planted.” President Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
I moved permanently to Winslow last Christmas. I drug my feet the whole way. I did not want to leave my nice house and nice things in Dewey (Prescott). When you move into a completely furnished house, there is little room to bring everything (anything) you own. Fortunately, my daughter is still living in the other house and I can go home to it occasionally.
I have been pouting for 6 months about having to move here. I lost my mountains to hike in. I lost my friends to work out with. I felt like I was giving up everything. It just didn't seem fair. So what have I done? Stopped everything. Stopped hiking, stopped working out, stopped living. You know what? It's not much fun. My body is getting weaker, while my butt is getting bigger. It is time to stop blaming Winslow for my lack of ambition.
I planted a garden this year. It is tough to grow anything here. It takes a lot of work. The dirt requires a lot of cultivating, the water isn't the best. Some of the things I planted have grown, some have not. I think it is the same with me. Slowly I can test the ground. I may not have the beautiful mountains to hike in. I may not have all my "things" from Dewey. I do however have the ability to make a new start here. There are new friends. There are new places to explore.
I moved permanently to Winslow last Christmas. I drug my feet the whole way. I did not want to leave my nice house and nice things in Dewey (Prescott). When you move into a completely furnished house, there is little room to bring everything (anything) you own. Fortunately, my daughter is still living in the other house and I can go home to it occasionally.
I have been pouting for 6 months about having to move here. I lost my mountains to hike in. I lost my friends to work out with. I felt like I was giving up everything. It just didn't seem fair. So what have I done? Stopped everything. Stopped hiking, stopped working out, stopped living. You know what? It's not much fun. My body is getting weaker, while my butt is getting bigger. It is time to stop blaming Winslow for my lack of ambition.
I planted a garden this year. It is tough to grow anything here. It takes a lot of work. The dirt requires a lot of cultivating, the water isn't the best. Some of the things I planted have grown, some have not. I think it is the same with me. Slowly I can test the ground. I may not have the beautiful mountains to hike in. I may not have all my "things" from Dewey. I do however have the ability to make a new start here. There are new friends. There are new places to explore.
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| The cantaloupe is going crazy! |
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